One Hill Too Many

 

It is a painful thing to look in the mirror and acknowledge that a coward is staring back at you. There’s no way around the gut punch. There’s no deflecting it. You are staring into the face of something you swore you’d never become each time you told yourself that this was not a hill worth dying on. Another hill was on the horizon, and one day, oh, one day, there would be that one where you would grow a spine and take your stand come hell or high water.

After all, you were just being pragmatic, practical even. What good would it serve if you stuck your neck out and took incoming from all sides? It is better to let someone with no responsibilities bear the brunt of it, and when the battle is sure to go their way, join in on the celebration. Just this once, though; you promised yourself. You’d work up the courage to make a stand at some point; you’d know when your hill came along. Let others lead the way for a while, and when they grew tired, you’d be there to take up the reigns.

The only problem is that day never came, and we’re running out of hills. At some point, the enemy will have everything it wants, and some Christians will still be sitting on the sidelines, waiting for their opportunity to be brave, and talking themselves into believing that they haven’t done anything simply because the timing wasn’t right. The words ring hollow even to those who repeat them like a mantra, but by now, they have no choice. If they ever believed that they would one day be brave, they haven’t believed it for long and long.

As has been the case for long and long, my issue is not with the world but rather with the church. Seeing that those of the world are more willing to take a stand against tyranny than the church is, is the epitome of irony, but it also stirs up great sadness.

Because I’d rather tell you what’s around the corner than what’s in front of your eyes, you must prepare your heart for the eventuality that those who have been too cowardly to act, to speak, to stand will grow increasingly bitter toward those who did those things. There’s nothing more unsettling to the coward’s psyche than the constant, physical reminder of their cowardice. The only way to get around that is to demonize the brave and make them into the villain. It’s coming; just be ready for it.

I’m guessing by this point you’re kicking yourself for talking me into coming back and halfway regretting I didn’t stay gone. As the adage goes, be careful what you ask for; you just might get it. More could be said, but the kiddies are stirring, and daddy promised French toast.

With love in Christ,

Michael Boldea Jr.