Job XLVII

 Sometimes, the best thing we can do in a given situation is to keep silent. I realize this goes against our instincts, perhaps even against our nature because everyone has to have an opinion about everything, and if you don’t have an opinion, they’ll have an opinion as to why you don’t have an opinion.

Unsolicited advice is everywhere, and the more you try to tune it out, the louder it gets because those offering it think they can whittle you down to the point that you go along with whatever they’re saying just to make them stop talking.

We have to make the requisite allowances for the fact that Job’s wife was likewise feeling, heretofore, unfelt depths of pain. She’d just lost all ten of her children as well; the life she’d known up until days ago was smashed to smithereens, and her husband, the father of her children and the protector, provider, and overseer of a vast, well-oiled homestead which spanned hundreds of souls and thousands of livestock lay in ruin, covered in painful boils, scratching at himself while sitting atop an ash heap.

Respect is one of the most important virtues one spouse must possess for the other, and it must be a reciprocal act. I can hear the eyebrows arching, see the wagging fingers, and the need to give in to the desire to write me a quick note, insisting that love is the most important virtue. In my defense, I said respect is one of the most important virtues, but beyond that, if there’s no love in a marriage, then any respect one might emote is feigned and situational and is tethered to a hidden motive of some kind.

Come June of next year, I will have been married for a quarter of a century. Said marriage produced two wonderful daughters, as well as the requisite moments of joy, pain, laughter, tears, jubilation, and anxiety. Through it all, we were there for each other, sharing in the joy and the sorrow, with mutual respect being the cornerstone upon which trust, value, and self-sacrifice were built.

The easiest way to navigate life’s storms and keep from crashing against the rocky outcroppings is to put God first in every area of your life, and that includes marriage. It is something we discussed at length before getting married and something we committed to from the outset. The question was never about what was best for our situation or what could help us get ahead as a new family, but what the will of God was for us and where He needed us to be. It’s something both parties have to agree with and commit to. Otherwise, there will be tension, there will be arguments, and it’s hard to make progress when one individual is pulling to the left and the other is pulling to the right.  

Whether Job’s wife lost respect for him or not, I cannot say with certainty, but her reaction to seeing him in his current condition hints at the probability that she did. She saw a once strong, assertive, decisive man, seemingly in control of everything around him, reduced to little more than a homeless beggar covered in boils. At the time, for fear of contracting whatever the malady was, the individual in question would be removed to the outskirts of the city and left alone to live out the rest of their days in solitude. Whether it was leprosy or boils, the sufferer would be shunned by society and forced into isolation for fear of the disease spreading.

Job’s wife being used by the enemy and her continuing to have love for him in her heart are not mutually exclusive. Two ideas can be true at the same time, so it’s not so much that she stopped loving him or thinking of him as her husband, but in the moment, she allowed herself to be used by Satan for the nefarious purpose of insisting that he curse God and die.

Satan wanted to prove God wrong. He wanted to be able to return anew when the sons of God were gathered together, gloat at having broken Job, and pressured him to the point of sinning against God in some way. We clearly see the lengths to which he was willing to go to accomplish his plan, so the idea that he whispered in Job’s wife’s ear to encourage him to cease holding onto his integrity and to curse God isn’t just a possibility but highly probable.

When you understand the lengths to which the enemy of your soul will go to plant bitterness or rebellion in your heart, it will make you cling to Jesus all the more. All he needs is a moment of weakness, a chink in your armor, something he can leverage and use to get you to take your eyes off Christ and the cross and think you can beat back the enemy all on your own.

Most of us are predisposed to speak first and think later. It’s not a noble virtue, and it’s something I’ve dealt with for the better part of my life, especially since the girls were old enough to walk, climb, and hang onto things they shouldn’t be hanging onto. Even after repeatedly telling them not to climb the tree in the backyard or try to do somersaults off the kitchen counter, they’d still do it and end up with a bruise or a knot on their forehead. I had to fight the urge to say, “I told you so!” because it was neither the time nor the place for it. It’s what I wanted to say; it was on the tip of my tongue, but I could see the tears in their eyes and the pain they were in, and I knew that what they needed at that moment was comfort, a hug, and someone to ask if they were okay.

We can be brutal and coldhearted when it comes to another’s suffering, kicking them while they’re down or making it about ourselves, insisting that we warned them, told them, pleaded with them not to do what they did that got them in the situation they were in, but sometimes it’s best to bite our tongue, say nothing, and weep with those who weep.

Don’t allow yourself to be used of the enemy to shred another’s last ounce of hope by insisting that they abandon it altogether and give in to the despair. Be wise in your counsel, and know when, rather than counsel, the person just needs a shoulder to cry on.

With love in Christ,

Michael Boldea, Jr.