Job CLXXXVI

 Job 18:1-4, “Then Bildad the Shuhite answered and said: ‘How long till you put an end to words? Gain understanding, and afterward we will speak. Why are we counted as beasts, and regarded as stupid in your sight? You who tear yourself in anger, shall the earth be forsaken for you? Or shall the rock be removed from its place?’”

Few things in life are more off-putting than being gaslit, and knowing it’s the case. Although not all may know the proper name for it, it’s likely that all of us have experienced it at one time or another. Gaslighting, for those unaware of the term, is a psychological manipulation technique in which a person tries to convince someone that their reality is untrue. It’s a more mature and refined version of don’t believe your lying eyes, or the ever-popular are you going to believe what you know to be true, or what I’m telling you is the truth? It’s a control mechanism, often used by those in power, with influence, and even by friends or family to gain control not only of the narrative but also of their intended target.

People who employ it will often play the victim, even though they are the victimizer, and insist that they have been wronged, misheard, and misinterpreted to the point that their victim becomes apologetic about being unjustly condemned for something they didn’t do. It’s no less than emotional abuse, and it is highly effective, especially with those who find themselves at a low point, are suffering, or have suffered some kind of recent loss.

Even after all three of Job’s friends had taken turns treating him like a human piñata, taking swings they hoped would connect and finally make the man burst open, Bildad takes up the charge anew and accuses Job of being a bully.

Come on now, buddy. I know we said all kinds of horrible things about you, accused you of being in sin so deplorable as to deserve being covered in oozing boils, sitting in the ashes of what was once your fiefdom, if not an outright entrepreneurial empire, but that doesn’t give you the right to hurt our feelings. I mean, you’re being kind of mean; isn’t he, guys? It’s almost like we aren’t even friends. Would a friend really call another friend stupid? That’s what you’re inferring, isn’t it? That we’re stupid? That we don’t know what we’re talking about?

I mean, if anyone’s stupid in this situation. It’s three against one, and even your wife agrees with us, so maybe be a bit humble and gain some understanding. Afterward, we will speak. How does that sound? Maybe use this time to repent for hurting our feelings, that would be swell. Can you believe this guy? You’ve got some gull buddy. All we’re trying to do is help you here. We’ve decided that the best course of action is for you to give up hope and admit to your sin. Why can’t you see that’s the best thing for you?

It’s rare to find another chapter in the entirety of scripture that is as grim, dark, absent of hope, arrogant, and self-assured as Bildad the Shuhite’s second attempt at convincing Job that he is in the wrong for clinging to hope and not confessing to sins he had not committed. If anyone was on the fence about his likability, this second diatribe should settle the matter once and for all.

You may think you’re special, but I’m here to tell you, you’re not! What? Do you now expect the earth to be forsaken for you? Are you so deluded as to believe the rules don’t apply to you? It’s always been a matter of course, going as far back as our fathers’ fathers. The wicked is punished for his wickedness; ergo, if you are being punished, it is because you committed wickedness. Let’s put an end to this charade. Just admit what you did, and we can all get on with our lives, and you can lie here in the dust until you breathe your last, which is nothing less than you deserve.

If ever Bildad had shown the inclination to reason, or extend grace, if ever he’d desired to hear Job out and accept his friend’s words at face value, all that was now gone. He begins his monologue with insults, and just gets worse from there.

Before we can have any meaningful dialogue, you have to come to your senses. You’re talking like a crazy person, and someone has to call you out on it. Gain understanding first, then, perhaps, if you’re willing to acknowledge the brilliance of our arguments and admit wrongdoing, we can have a starting point.

How someone reacts to being challenged is telling in ways mere words could never convey. Job had suffered through three diatribes, always able to state his case, pleading with God, pleading with his friends, and insisting upon his innocence, but once he called them miserable comforters, once he challenged their accusations, all pretense of friendship or kindness went the way of the dodo bird.

It wasn’t that Bildad was interested in Job’s side of the story, or open to an explanation different than what he had concluded. He wanted confirmation bias and wouldn’t let something as silly as facts stand in the way.

You can hear someone without hearing them. Sure enough, the words coming from their lips make a sound in a language you are familiar with; those words construct sentences, but as far as really hearing them, listening, and allowing their words to have an impact on a preconception or a particular worldview, not so much.

I can’t say I’m proud of it, but there are times when I’m in my office, clicking away, so focused on the task at hand that the wife will have been talking to me from the kitchen for a good minute before the ever dreaded “are you hearing me?” breaks through and I acknowledge her asking her to repeat what she’d said. Thankfully, she does, even if it’s with the requisite eye roll, but we’ve been married for twenty-five years, so we know each other well enough by now to extend grace in such matters. The difference between Job’s friends and me is that my not hearing my wife and acknowledging her is not intentional on my part. Their unwillingness of Job’s friends to listen to him and hear what he’d said had intentionality behind it.               

With love in Christ,

Michael Boldea, Jr.