The Last Days Of The Church XX

 As with all the other things Paul lists as the underlying causes of the peril of the end times, unforgiveness is not stagnant but an ever-expanding, metastatic blemish that eats away at one’s inner peace, joy, and fulfillment. When imperfect people expect everyone else around them to be perfect at all times, then refuse to forgive them when they do not meet their impossible standard, unforgiveness takes root, and bitterness is the fruit it produces. It doesn’t have to be some great offense. We’re experts at making mountains out of molehills and taking some small, offhand remark as targeted criticism tailored explicitly for us.

I remember someone writing a letter to the ministry informing us they’d held a grudge for five long years just because my grandfather didn’t shake their hand after a church service. Although usually affable and glad to shake people’s hands most of the time, my grandfather also had debilitating gout in his finger joints, and whenever he’d have a flare-up, he kept from shaking hands because the pain would cause him to tear up. The person didn’t know the details; they just felt they’d been slighted and held in their heart as such for half a decade.

A few years back, we decided to plant some mint in the backyard. My wife loves the smell of fresh mint, and the kiddos enjoy it in their lemonade when the weather gets hot, so it was a no-brainer; at least, we thought so at the time.

It was either buy a handful of withering mint leaves at the local supermarket for a few bucks or have your own for the cost of a pack of seeds and have it spring up every year. Mint is perennial, so you only have to plant it once, and every year after the ground thaws and spring has sprung, they come out of the earth anew. What no one told us, and since I’m no green thumb by any stretch, I had no way of knowing, is that mint is invasive and, if unchecked, spreads with the gusto of a wildfire in the desert. Okay, perhaps that’s a bad analogy since there’s nothing to burn in the desert, but a forest will do just as readily.

The first year went well enough. One mint bush grew where we had planted it, and we had enough for the whole summer. Two years in, it wasn’t just one, two, or five mint bushes, but everywhere there was an available patch of dirt, there would be mint, to the point that we could easily supply the entire neighborhood with fresh mint and have plenty left over.

We realized that unless we got serious about pulling some of the plants, all we’d have in the backyard was mint. It’s the same with unforgiveness and bitterness of the heart. If it’s allowed to go unchecked, one unforgiven sleight or offhand comment turns into nitpicking people to death, and that one act you deemed unforgivable turns into a dozen things you’re unwilling to forgive.

As with most things, the best time to address unforgiveness is when it first appears, before it has a chance to take root and deepen its hold on the heart. Anything given time to grow and extend becomes more challenging to remove. It is even better to prevent it from entering our hearts in the first place by remembering all that we’ve been forgiven and the grace we’ve received over the years.

I’ve been married to my wife for almost twenty-five years. At this point, I’ve been married for half as long as I’ve been alive. During this time, she’s learned not to ask questions she doesn’t want an honest answer to, not because I’m mean-spirited or because I intend on causing emotional distress, but because I’m honest and direct. If a question is preceded with “Tell me the truth” or “Give me your honest opinion,” then I will comply with the request and tell her what I think about the topic at hand honestly and truthfully.

Especially when it comes to spiritual matters, the truth of scripture must outweigh any regard for feelings or emotions. We can choose to pander to people and disregard the Word or speak the truth in love, accepting the possibility that it will be rejected, misconstrued, or interpreted as being a personal attack rather than loving correction and instruction.

Most people prefer an echo chamber to the truth of God’s word. They want to be validated in their choices and made to feel at ease in their compromises. Rather than course correct, seek repentance, and be reconciled to God, they prefer to make anyone speaking the truth into a villain and insist that they’ve been wronged.

While those who have succumbed to an unforgiving spirit refuse to allow for reconciliation or accept a heartfelt apology for a slight, whether real or imagined, they expect everyone else to forgive anything they do at the drop of a hat; otherwise, they’ll be the first to accuse them of unforgiveness. Throwing stones while living in a glass house doesn’t begin to cover their hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance, but those who harbor unforgiveness are not tethered in reality, nor do they take the time to consider the ramifications of choosing it.

I once heard a story of a church lady who harbored unforgiveness and resentment in her heart for decades just because no one complimented her potato salad during the church potluck. It was the last time she participated, the last time she brought anything, and she lived a life of disfellowship with the rest of the body, all because nobody took special notice of a dish she brought. It may sound absurd, but many within the body still cling to unforgiveness over trivial things years later, recalling the moment more vividly than they would any other positive aspect of being a member of the body of Christ.

An unforgiving person will always take any pushback, correction, instruction, warning, or criticism in the worst possible light. They will dissect every word to the utmost and magnify it to absurd proportions without ever considering whether what their now nemesis said was right, true, or scriptural.

Ultimately, it all comes down to love and whether we truly embody the love of God in our hearts. Love and forgiveness are not just virtues we can take or leave as we will; they are essential for our spiritual journey.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8, “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Those who are unloving will likewise be unforgiving, for if love is not present, neither will there be any rejoicing in the truth. When love is not present, one is easily provoked and prone to thinking evil of their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, even though it is unwarranted.

As long as you agree with everything I believe, say, or think, we can be friends. Otherwise, Ichabod to you, sir, Ichabod to you. That’s a lonely, isolated type of life, which in turn makes the individual easy prey for the enemy with no one to lean on or turn to when he pounces.

With love in Christ,

Michael Boldea, Jr.