Job XCVI

 Job 6:1-10, “Then Job answered and said: ‘Oh, that my grief were fully weighed, and my calamity laid with it on the scales! For then it would be heavier than the sand of the sea – therefore my words have been rash. For the arrows of the Almighty are within me; my spirit drinks their poison; the terrors of God are arrayed against me. Does the wild donkey bray when it has grass, or does the ox low over its fodder? Can flavorless food be eaten without salt? Or is there any taste in the white of an egg? My soul refuses to touch them; They are as loathsome food to me. Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant me the thing I long for! That it would please God to crush me, that He would loose His hand and cut me off! Then I would still have comfort; Though in anguish I would exult, He will not spare me; for I have not concealed the words of the Holy One.’”

There’s what men think, then there’s what God knows. As is often the case, what men might think about a particular situation may not be what God knows about it, so when we are faced with the opinions of friends and strangers alike, our only recourse is to plead our case before God.

After Eliphaz had his say, it was Job’s turn to respond, and the first words he spoke were an attempt to try and get his friends to understand the depth of his pain, the depth of his grief, and the depth of his anguish. They could not know the sorrow of his heart because they’d never been in a comparable situation. Intellectually speaking, you understand the feeling of loss when someone loses a loved one or when their world crumbles around them, but until you’re the one going through it, it’s an intellectual exercise rather than the feeling that your heart is being raked over hot coals while being pricked with sharpened bamboo shoots without any relief in sight.

When I was younger, I used to get frequent gout attacks. For those with gout, you know that the pain can be excruciating, and although friends and family alike understood that I was experiencing pain, they could not fathom the level of pain because they’d never had to suffer the like. At first, they’d try to sympathize, but as they saw me hobble from one area of the house to the other, cringing and gritting my teeth, they couldn’t help but wonder if I was leaning into it, exaggerating the pain because surely nothing could hurt so bad as to make one’s eyes well up with tears from simply standing up.

While Eliphaz was speaking, Job had time to reflect, and although he found merit in his words, he began his response with an attempted explanation of why he was in the state he was in. Oh, that my grief were fully weighed, and my calamity laid with it on the scales! For then it would be heavier than the sand of the sea – therefore my words have been rash. You think you know what I’m going through, but you really don’t was the summation of Job’s response, for if my calamity were laid on the scales, it would be heavier than the sand of the sea. My words may have been rash, but given the situation, they are justified, Job proffered.

It’s nigh impossible to put pain into words. Poetic as Job’s words may have been, he still hadn’t scratched the surface of the tumult in his heart, layer upon layer of pain and grief that continued unabated.

The book of Job is no less than an existential drama, played out before our eyes, and at first glance, it would seem Job had given in to hopelessness and desperation, but it is not so. Yes, he stared into the bottomless vortex of despair, and save for his faith in the God he served, he would have likely delved headfirst, but faith sustained him, even if marred, bruised, and broken as he was.

To expect someone to go through what Job went through and be wholly unaffected is unrealistic. If this had been the case, and if he’d brushed everything that had happened to him off as if nothing had happened, one would likely question his sanity, if not his humanity. It’s not a sin to feel loss; it’s not a sin to mourn, but we cannot give in to despair and despondency no matter how great a loss we may be feeling at the moment. Job felt despair but did not surrender to it. He felt despondency but did not relent in keeping his faith and hope firmly tethered to God.

It’s easy to trust God when everything is going your way. It’s easy to place our trust in Him when every choice we make turns out to be the right one and every task we undertake is met with great success. The challenge, and something that can only be accomplished by having fellowship and a well-established relationship with Him, is maintaining faith and trust when everything goes sideways. The hard part is concluding that though He slays me, yet I will trust Him and meaning it.

The answer to whether or not we will continue to trust God when everything is crumbling around us when all seems dim and hopeless, is contingent on the level of intimacy we have with Him, whether we spent the time we were given building up our most holy faith, and growing in Him. Trust is a process. It doesn’t materialize overnight. I trust God more now than I did five years ago, and I trusted him more five years ago than I did ten years before that. It is because He has proven His love, His goodness, His faithfulness, and His kindness that my trust in Him is established and cemented, and I would wager if given more time on this earth, I will trust Him more with each passing day due to the aggregate experiences through which He has shown His power and presence.

If you can’t trust God in the little things, or during the seasons of plenty, chances are you will not trust Him in the big things, or when the world descends into a permanent tailspin from which it can’t course correct. Your actions today will determine the level of your faith tomorrow. Knowing this, the paramount question we must answer in all that we do is whether or not the action itself is helping to build our faith and trust in God. 

With love in Christ,

Michael Boldea, Jr.